Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Alive.
So much puke
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
