I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
