i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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