I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
