Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
