i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
