hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
