WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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