Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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