Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
