So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
