I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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