RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
