my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
