OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
