He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
