Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
