Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
