How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I will be naked everywhere
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
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