also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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