Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
