oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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