how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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