dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
