YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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