i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
