I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
