If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
