There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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