I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
