I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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