I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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