It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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