Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
