bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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