Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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