everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
