He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
can u get pink eye on your cock?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
