oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize