Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She's JV to your varsity
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
