I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
