so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
