The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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