Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
