I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
