I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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