very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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