Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
