I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So gin and wine won't be happening again
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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