96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
