Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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