i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
