Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
