soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
