Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
