At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
