Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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