She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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