he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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