I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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