She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
