he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize