she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
