Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
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