What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
