where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
