I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
