I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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